I'm not new to tumblr, in fact, I have a pretty well praised tumblr.
However, I do have an eating disorder, and I can't always preach recovery.
This is my secret blog. if you find out who i am. congrats to you I guess.
5'7"
hw: 230
lw: 143
cw:154
gw1:145
gw2:139
gw:135 [I'm a realist]
there is no such thing as an "ultimate" goal weight.
I'm always open for questions, just use my ask box
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Fad Diets. →
I’m thinking of trying either the 3 day diet [although for more than three days], the russian air force diet. But I’ve also found 85738458034 other good ones on other sites. I’ll post those too.
i’ve eaten close to nothing [did have some small things, nothing above 250 or 300 calories all together], but i feel bigger than ever.
how is this even…what is i dont…huh.
i wish i could just be a normal fucking girl. my entire life has been about weight. since i was a little girl, its been about weight and size. 13 fucking years of obsession. Just ONCE I’d like to not think about a fucking number.
i may eat just as “much” or less tomorrow, as well. Wont be hard at all to get away with, really. thats the problem with getting sent away. when you come back…they all watch.
but unfortunately, i’m just getting better and better at hiding it.
Link reblogged from Finding a Way Out with 1 note
Finding a Way Out: Size 0 →
I don’t want it. I don’t want zero. I want happiness. I think I just want any size I feel okay at. Zero is just a size. Weight is just a number. I want to be okay and happy.
I want thin. But I want happiness more. I think I’ll be happy once I get somewhere. Once I am smaller, thinnier, skinnier….
I feel like this, too. On one end, I want to be thin, but I think girls who are average or bigger are gorgeous. I don’t want to be a certain size, just happy. But no number will magically make me happy, but maybe I could be ok. I want to be super skinny, but at the same time, I hate to see my bones already, and im not all that thin, just average. i just want to be happy, and i cant seem to find happy on a scale.
Source: findinghelp
Fasting today. At least for the most part. I may eat so my metab won’t die but other than that…. No. I can’t even think of eating. I don’t need food anyway. I was 150-151 this am and I’m not ruining this. Not happening.
auroranorexia.: i'm alive. kind of. →
you probably haven’t noticed, but i have disappeared the past 3 days after saying some very discouraging thoughts i had on wanting to binge.
for the past 3 days, i have been binging. i gave up. and i couldn’t face tumblr. they have been truly horrific.
a lot of things went through my mind during…
HOLY SHIT AURORA YOU HAD ME SO FREAKING WORRIEDDDDD
omg, I’m so glad you were ok. I’ve been freaking out since that last post :[[[ *HUGS* I’m so happy you’re ok.
and you are a good example. An example is what is REAL and what real struggle is. You’re an example that there is a tomorrow, time to heal, and that you can always start over with your life.
I know the past few days must have been awful for you, and I wish I could have been there to help you through it. Please don’t be too upset with yourself, you’re only human, and you’re sick, it ISNT YOUR FAULT that you’ve binged as you have. It’s not your fault at all. You have a disease, and a mean one at that. Do not let it defeat you. You’re an amazingly strong person. The way you open up the way you do, the things you are doing, although not safe, show strength. You are a wonderful young woman, and I’m grateful to know you.
I don’t even know what else to say, I’m just so relieved you’re alright. <333333 you had me worried sick babygirl.
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to fast or not to fast…
that, is the question.
I know that the weight loss does not stick.
so do I fast, or eat only 500 calories?
I’m thinking dove bar for bfast, then at home have a baked potato [no butter, duh], thats about 250-300.
or do I just fast until monday, and eat quite little then as well?
if so, I’d just drink tea, water and a little red bull [for energy and quell hunger pains. but not too much or i’ll get sick] and of course my diet pills and fiber pills.
whats the vote?
down a lb
or so.
back in the swing of things. it’ll only get better. or is it worse? not sure. but i need to get back to where i was, and down so much further.
(via seekingskinny)
i want to be tiny enough to be picked up
my overall goal pretty much is this. I just want to be so lighttt
if you cant get picked up, your man isnt big enough. I’m 153lbs and my boyfriend carries me around like i’m nothing haha. even at 200lbs he’d pick me up without a problem.
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